A return to the Age of Steam

There are a number of things about commuting that give me pleasure and satisfaction - and the number I'm thinking about is 0 (zero).

To be fair, (in contrast to the actual fares, which are anything but)throughout the summer, the service was tolerable. That is partly due to the fact that during the summer nights, gangs (Warning - the use of these three words in succession may, somewhat confusingly, see this Blog entry appear in Google searches relating to the film 'Grease'!) of railway workers were employed to carefully polish (and many of these night workers were Polish!) the rails of the entire network to ensure that they were in pristine condition for the following days activities. The plan was largely successful, as long as the sun kept shining, and nothing other than the Polish polisher's polishing cloth touched the rails - the trains kept running.

But then the summer ended. First rain fell, then leaves fell, then an occasional frost fell (?). Each left a residue that had to be removed, thus increasing the workload of the aforementioned Polish polishers such that they couldn't keep up, and often simply gave up, leaving their tasks to go for a traditional cup of tea. Birds (2nd Google warning) migrated south as winter approached but Southern commuters found it increasingly difficult to migrate north and east into work.

It was at such times that our dear, dear friends in the railway announcement department would warmly announce that...

“We apologise for the current delays and are making every effort to restore services to normal".

NO!!!! We don't want “normal”, we all know what that's like! We want “fantastic” or “superb” or “extraordinary”. Normal, we can certainly do without.

Another announcement that is equally infuriating, is when you are half way to London and have to change to another train at which point the announcer states....

“We apologise for this morning's delays and would advise passengers to allow more time for their journeys...”

How helpful is that! This is no different to saying...

“Oi, you lot on the platform! I know you got up at 5.45 am this morning, but you should have anticipated that there were going to be problems on the rails. Didn't you see the forecast for very mild and occasional drizzle? You should have all got up at 5 am for us to stand any chance of getting you into London by 8!!!”

At least this approach would get them marks for honesty.

This may not be so much the Age of Steam, but it is fast becoming the Age of 'letting off steam'.